there's paper in my vomit.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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