Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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