i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
