She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just want to make out with him forever
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
