OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
