I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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