the condom got lost in my hair
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize