Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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