I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
