So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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