Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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