Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
