i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
