She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize