Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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