I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
