it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
