I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
