You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
