Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
