Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
