so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What drink are we having for lunch?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
