wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
