Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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