Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
