I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
