Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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