New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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