Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
