we made out on top of his cat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
