When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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