he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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