i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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