so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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