if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
