I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
nutella sex= disaster
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
