She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Bring me that man meat
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
