My nipple is on Facebook.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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