you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
