If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
