I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize