Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
