I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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