My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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