my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
