just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The uberlube is also flammable
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
