Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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