This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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