3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize