I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
