I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
