i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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