the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
