Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
