do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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