Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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