Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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