did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
