apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
