I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she smelled like a LAN party
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
areolas are like halos for boobs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sext me about skeletons
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
