Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize