I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
