Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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