i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
