I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
