plz talk dirty to me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
