Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
