Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
