Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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