I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
