i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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