Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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