Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
