Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
