Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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