So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
