Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
