When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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