If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
