I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
