Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
