No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize