I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
