Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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