Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
