Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
