He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
