Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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