i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
