Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
