Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
