this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
