The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize