he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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