Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
