You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think my fart just growled at me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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