Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
